Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t cotton to rapists

Why does my girlfriend keep asking me if I love her?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Having read so much about Archie and Lilibet not actually existing, does anyone have any proof that they not only exist but that Meghan gave birth to them?

I don’t buy bullshit

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Have you ever been spanked in front of a group of people?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I understand how hurricane paths work

Do straight guys like to see cocks?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I think that being gay is wrong, but I treat gay people respectfully like any other person. Is it homophobic? Or offensive in any kind of way? Aren’t disagreement and discrimination two different things?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I see through liars

Why do North Indians, living in Bangalore, not bother to learn Kannada?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I have complete contempt for fakery

What makes girls masturbate?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

What are the extra benefits of a smart TV?

I can count

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Are there any more 'nun' jokes?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Why don’t people want the American Dream anymore - marriage, kids, a dog, and the white picket fence?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Which country has the best and strictest legal system in the world?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Do you wear tights for warmth or to make your legs look better?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I can read

I actually pay taxes

How do I rat my boss out for serial cheating on his wife?

I have a reading level above third grade

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes